we are family

today is ash wednesday.  I am not sure what that exactly means other than tomorrow begins lent, 6 weeks of giving up something in your life that holds on to you.  My niece Kyann is giving up facebook.  I would love to give up something, not sure what. 

The childrens father is still in Tennessee and is planning on returning to the area this weekend.  He may be moving to Tennessee to find a job.  The children obviously want him to remain around here.  They like the idea of having him close by, however I dont think they actually want to spend every other weekend with him.  John on the other hand needs to feel loved and missed by them.  This is a stressful time for the children.  Jacob and Gabrielle are attending counseling 2 times a month.  We are blessed to have prayer warriers and we definately feel the answered prayers.

Gabby is angry, she is going thru some insecurities.  She doesnt feel she is pretty to anyone other than adults.  She wants to dress in the trendy clothes.  She is a people pleaser.  I am not sure exactly all that she is holding in.

Jacob is having difficulty with unforgiveness, but I know that he wants John to stay in the area.  His grades have been ok.  At this point I think he has given up on getting straight A's this semester.  He is capeable of A's.  I just need to keep close supervision on his school work.  By nature Jacob will be lazy, and he would spend hours on x box, so I have to limit him in this area.  I have taken on the challenge of helping him in baseball.  I am gaining much more confidence.  I am soooo glad that I have taken the time to learn a little about baseball since I have 3 boys. 

I am having a good week.  No poor me moments.  I am focusing on discipline with the children, along with routine.  I am focusing on holding them accountable for listening to me on the first request.  Also I am focusing on holding them accountable for their actions. 

I have decreased my work days and increased my work week with fridays.  I want to pay attn to the children when they get home. 

My blog is more like a journal, however I want it to take on a creative entertaining learning twist.  I want us to look back on this blog and realized how we made it through the tough times and how God was so involved.  We are so blessed.  Some day my kiddos are gonna have to own their faith.  I hope they can look back on this and know that we didnt do this on our own.  I wish my kids could somehow add their feeling to this blog so they can see growth. 

hello God, its me Sheila

Oh dear God,  I hope you are pleased with what you are seeing from your children today.  I hope I haven't  let you down today.  You have been a rock again for me.  Thank you for bringing me home today and having me put effort into your children.   I pray over my children today.  I pray for their health, their safety, and their soul.  I pray for their daddy that you will finish the work that you have started in him.  I pray for their innocence that is being robbed from them.  However please God I want this trial to be for the good for them, that they can grow in dependence on you;  that this trial doesnt change them for evil but change them for good.  Please place a hedge around them to protect them from daddy damage and the window opened for the enemy. 

Thank you so much for Jesus....for Jesus.  Thank you Jesus for standing there as an advocate for me and my children. 

in Jesus name amen

Today was good.  The children are ok.  I came home early as to be here for the children.  I didnt want gabby to be responsible for keeping house at this time.  Jacob didnt have baseball today, but he did talk me into taking him to the rec center in Rittman.  Uncle Jim brought him home.  Jacob is hyperfocused on basketball at the moment and also puberty.  He seems to be using his energy positively.  I dont see extreme anger....more saddness.

Gabby has anger, but it is still soft. 

Our journey was relatively uneventful this day. 

OUR STORY TODAY

Saturday night... this past week, actually past 2-3 months....maybe even years have been distracting.  We have been visited by many players:  Let me introduce them to you, my children:

1.  Jacob: age 12
2.  Gabrielle: age 11
3.  Skyler:  age 7
4.  Morgan:  age5
5.  Mother:  age, doesnt matter

friends and foes: 

friends:

1.  Hope
2.  Kindness
3.  Love
4.  Joy
5.  Peace
6.  long suffering:  patience
7.  Temperance:  self control
8.  Meekness
9.  Faith
10.Goodness

Foes:

1.  anger
2.  bitterness
3.  unforgiveness
4.  bad language
5.  negativity
6.  pride
7.  dishonest
8.  distrust
9.  chaos
10.outbursts
11.fear
12.guilt
13.overwhelm
14.disobedience

Dear Father God:

Bless this Journey, Bless this family, pour your comfort blanket over us.  Give us the shield of your salvation, the understanding of your mysteries.  Give me the wisdom to raise these children up to overcome the foes that happen in our lives.  Lord, Father guide us, convict us, and give us your helping hand.  Help this to be enlightening to us and serve to be a planting season..

Love you and trust you beyond myself

amen

I do trust and fear My Father the creator of all living things...  Please guide me in this. 

The journey of extreme foes what born march of 2008,  it was a detour that took us on a bumpy path.  A path that I didnt want to choose, but found myself on this path along with dragging four innocent children dragging and crying.  Many find ourselves on a different path than what we choose.   Our jouneys are so different, but our destination is the same.  Our path was rather bumpy, but along the path were some rest areas and some road blocks.  We wanted to plant some seeds along the way in hopes that later travelers would benefit from the beauty and plant some more.  But early in the journey we didnt plant anything, in fact we stopped frequently for bitterness, anger...  and before we realized what the effects of these poor choices the mind and soul was too sick to travel.   The wounds of life had taken the tole and the family was not healthy.  The diagnosis of bitterness had progressed, but fortunately was not terminal.  Large doses of forgiveness and love was needed.  Forgiveness was available in abundance but love was scarce.  Lies was stealing the medicine love.  The wounds of bitterness and hurt needed love desperately.  The wound were disgusting and had a foul odor.  Prayer power showed up to aid in the recovery and slowly the wounds healed in with scars, tough but still weakened.  The immune system was weakened. 

Life takes turns into directions that we fear we can't find the our way back.  But the spirit of God does not give us fear but of power and of love and of peace....timothy

but we can find our way back.  We have a GPS that will help keep us moving in the right direction. 

patience patience and needing more patience

Setting the stage of our family friday night;  Jacob has a friend over, Brett Bauman, the kids are totally out of control: running here and there all around the square, playing catch me if you can...  Seriously, I am 44 years old, am I getting too old.  I hear screaming, crying, laughing, air soft gun sounds..... now they just declared  they want to make smoothies, gabby is now in my face screaming....I was naked and showing me some picture on her camera.  They are invading all kinds of space, auditory, personal, over stimilation.  Now Gabby is very mad. 

Today the kids have off of school, but I needed to go to work.  SSSSooo, I made the executive decision to leave Gabby in charge of children.  I gave them a list of fun and creative stuff to do,,,, such as begin our bible study in Genesis.  We decided that we were going to illustrate along with summarize what we have learned by conveying our understanding on paper.....

However my plan was not completed to my satisfaction.  Once again Jacob decided his agenda was more important than mine.  NOT COOL.  So a lecture followed..... and it goes something like this:  
I have these expectations:
1.  all A's
2.  practice piano
3.  work hard
4.  work harder than anyone in his class
5.  be better than  he thinks he can do
6.  think ahead and anticipate needs and problems
7.  learn from your mistakes, know that you will make them
8.  listen to me because I am wise and only want the best for you
9.  overcome your desires to be lazy and not think
10. remember...you are here to make me look good...LOL

they are trying to make smoothies...Jacob is taking charge....he doesnt think...patience, patience, patience.   God grant me the grace,,,please be the father to the fatherless and the husband to the husbandless,,,, in Jesus name, amen

I understood something today

WELL....lets just say...I understand myself a little better....why all the frustration, hurt, and anger???  A great friend of mine,,,I refer to her as my councelor.  Her councelor told her that when life throws you into this kind of trauma...a trauma of the heart and mind....all sorts of things happen.  A failed marriage is VERY TRAUMATIC.  It leaves one wounded, a bleeding heart, among other wounds.

Just imagine....failed marriage, hurts beyond imagination.  A new set of problems, worries, and fears....essentially this person is laying on a guerney bleeding, however only time heals these wounds.  Someone comes along with judgemental words, an opinion, or a good intention....anyways the words are very discouraging to this very injured person....that discouragment is like putting salt on the wounds....it prolongs healing.  Then some other person comes along adds more salt with

11-22-09 SUNDAY

this is a first....I woke wanting to compose an entry....I woke up this am...came downstairs...so realizing that everyroom in this house is in disarray. JUST HOW DID WE GET HERE...

It is Sunday....A TIME TO WORSHIP......A TIME TO REST.    What does this look like to the single mother of 4....she doesnt know where to begin.   She knows what needs to be done, but where to begin.  First she has to find the energy to address this family's needs.  Where does she find that....IN THE LORD


DEAR WONDERFUL MERCIFUL SAVIOUR..

THIS IS THE DAY THAT YOU HAVE MADE...HELP US REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT....

1.  How should we rejoice
2.  How to be glad in it.

REMOVE MY GUILT AND REPLACE IT WITH SOMETHING WE CAN WORK WITH.  GIVE ME CREATIVITY TO BRING SOME HEALING AND DEPENDENCY ON YOU INTO THIS DAY.  CONSUME ME AND MY CHILDREN WITH ALL OF YOU..   KEEP OUR EYES ON YOU AND NOT OF THE STUFF OF THIS WORLD.  PLACE A HEDGE AROUND US, ONE THAT EVEN THE ENEMY CAN NOT PENETRATE.

GIVE ME THY HEALING POWERS
1. against anger
2. laziness which distracts me from you

PRICK MY HEART DAILY OF HOW MUCH I NEED YOU AND THY WORD.  USE ME TO BRING GLORY TO YOUR KINGDOM.  USE ME TO BE A LIGHT AND SALT.  USE ME IN A QUIET UNSEEN WAY.  ESPECIALLY IN MY HOME.  ONLY YOU CAN DO THIS...ONLY YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF WISDOM AND CREATIVITY.  ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER OF THIS MAGNITUDE AND ABILITIES.

I PRAY OVER MY CHILDREN...

1. patience
2. kindness
3. the conscious of right and wrong that comes only from the Holy Spirit
4. protection from the enemy...protection from the world, peers
5. health and knowledge
6. a desire to learn about YOU...that only you can place in their hearts and minds
7. discernment
8. responsibility
9. a deep desire to please YOU
10. obedience
11. discipline

LORD THANK YOU FOR HEARING MY PRAYER...HELP ME TO CLEAN OUT MY HEART DUMP THE BAD OUT...I WANT TO DO THIS WILLINGLY WITH YOUR HELP...PLEASE NO TRIAL IN DOING SO.


LOVE  AND IN JESUS NAME

ME..A SERVANT IN THE MAKING

The journey

Where Should I start...maybe  praising God...reflecting on the enemys power.....defining the pain, the loneliness.  I am not sure,,,but I do know that I have to be encouraged.  God is bigger than my storm....I will praise Him in this storm.  I will glorify Him in His presence.  Thank Him for scriptures such as Psalm 34 and many many others.

If this was my thorn for life, I could bare it...but the enemy keeps me wondering...is something bigger coming down the road in life...  Are my children going to make it.  Will they love the Lord, Our God with a hunger and thirst that only HE above can quench.

Then I think of the anger...The anger that comes with emotional trauma.  The hurt emotions that often causes me (and many others )  to speak words we regret... 

The Fear...but to realize that God does not give us the Spirit of Fear; but of power, and of LOVE, and of a sound mind.  11 Timothy 1:7

The Judgement....only to realize that we are not equipped to use that "spirit"...never...We humanly can not exercise judgement.  We don"t have the wisdom.

The world....Where me and my children are now part of....we now are a statistic that is so common in the "world"....Who will have more influence over them.....mommy or the world...She is stretched beyond to point that only a single mother can ever understand.

The need for PRAYER....the power that comes with it....where 2 or more gather in my name...I like to think that means 2 people praying is 2X powerful...Hence the reason for this entry...Help me to overcome .... help me to overcome the anger of hurt....help me to overcome the judgement from man....help me and my children overcome the world...Prayer with me for an overcoming life...


Please partner with me in this storm...it takes a church sometimes to raise a single parent home....thanks you and Many Blessings to all...


sheila k