we are family

today is ash wednesday.  I am not sure what that exactly means other than tomorrow begins lent, 6 weeks of giving up something in your life that holds on to you.  My niece Kyann is giving up facebook.  I would love to give up something, not sure what. 

The childrens father is still in Tennessee and is planning on returning to the area this weekend.  He may be moving to Tennessee to find a job.  The children obviously want him to remain around here.  They like the idea of having him close by, however I dont think they actually want to spend every other weekend with him.  John on the other hand needs to feel loved and missed by them.  This is a stressful time for the children.  Jacob and Gabrielle are attending counseling 2 times a month.  We are blessed to have prayer warriers and we definately feel the answered prayers.

Gabby is angry, she is going thru some insecurities.  She doesnt feel she is pretty to anyone other than adults.  She wants to dress in the trendy clothes.  She is a people pleaser.  I am not sure exactly all that she is holding in.

Jacob is having difficulty with unforgiveness, but I know that he wants John to stay in the area.  His grades have been ok.  At this point I think he has given up on getting straight A's this semester.  He is capeable of A's.  I just need to keep close supervision on his school work.  By nature Jacob will be lazy, and he would spend hours on x box, so I have to limit him in this area.  I have taken on the challenge of helping him in baseball.  I am gaining much more confidence.  I am soooo glad that I have taken the time to learn a little about baseball since I have 3 boys. 

I am having a good week.  No poor me moments.  I am focusing on discipline with the children, along with routine.  I am focusing on holding them accountable for listening to me on the first request.  Also I am focusing on holding them accountable for their actions. 

I have decreased my work days and increased my work week with fridays.  I want to pay attn to the children when they get home. 

My blog is more like a journal, however I want it to take on a creative entertaining learning twist.  I want us to look back on this blog and realized how we made it through the tough times and how God was so involved.  We are so blessed.  Some day my kiddos are gonna have to own their faith.  I hope they can look back on this and know that we didnt do this on our own.  I wish my kids could somehow add their feeling to this blog so they can see growth. 

hello God, its me Sheila

Oh dear God,  I hope you are pleased with what you are seeing from your children today.  I hope I haven't  let you down today.  You have been a rock again for me.  Thank you for bringing me home today and having me put effort into your children.   I pray over my children today.  I pray for their health, their safety, and their soul.  I pray for their daddy that you will finish the work that you have started in him.  I pray for their innocence that is being robbed from them.  However please God I want this trial to be for the good for them, that they can grow in dependence on you;  that this trial doesnt change them for evil but change them for good.  Please place a hedge around them to protect them from daddy damage and the window opened for the enemy. 

Thank you so much for Jesus....for Jesus.  Thank you Jesus for standing there as an advocate for me and my children. 

in Jesus name amen

Today was good.  The children are ok.  I came home early as to be here for the children.  I didnt want gabby to be responsible for keeping house at this time.  Jacob didnt have baseball today, but he did talk me into taking him to the rec center in Rittman.  Uncle Jim brought him home.  Jacob is hyperfocused on basketball at the moment and also puberty.  He seems to be using his energy positively.  I dont see extreme anger....more saddness.

Gabby has anger, but it is still soft. 

Our journey was relatively uneventful this day. 

OUR STORY TODAY

Saturday night... this past week, actually past 2-3 months....maybe even years have been distracting.  We have been visited by many players:  Let me introduce them to you, my children:

1.  Jacob: age 12
2.  Gabrielle: age 11
3.  Skyler:  age 7
4.  Morgan:  age5
5.  Mother:  age, doesnt matter

friends and foes: 

friends:

1.  Hope
2.  Kindness
3.  Love
4.  Joy
5.  Peace
6.  long suffering:  patience
7.  Temperance:  self control
8.  Meekness
9.  Faith
10.Goodness

Foes:

1.  anger
2.  bitterness
3.  unforgiveness
4.  bad language
5.  negativity
6.  pride
7.  dishonest
8.  distrust
9.  chaos
10.outbursts
11.fear
12.guilt
13.overwhelm
14.disobedience

Dear Father God:

Bless this Journey, Bless this family, pour your comfort blanket over us.  Give us the shield of your salvation, the understanding of your mysteries.  Give me the wisdom to raise these children up to overcome the foes that happen in our lives.  Lord, Father guide us, convict us, and give us your helping hand.  Help this to be enlightening to us and serve to be a planting season..

Love you and trust you beyond myself

amen

I do trust and fear My Father the creator of all living things...  Please guide me in this. 

The journey of extreme foes what born march of 2008,  it was a detour that took us on a bumpy path.  A path that I didnt want to choose, but found myself on this path along with dragging four innocent children dragging and crying.  Many find ourselves on a different path than what we choose.   Our jouneys are so different, but our destination is the same.  Our path was rather bumpy, but along the path were some rest areas and some road blocks.  We wanted to plant some seeds along the way in hopes that later travelers would benefit from the beauty and plant some more.  But early in the journey we didnt plant anything, in fact we stopped frequently for bitterness, anger...  and before we realized what the effects of these poor choices the mind and soul was too sick to travel.   The wounds of life had taken the tole and the family was not healthy.  The diagnosis of bitterness had progressed, but fortunately was not terminal.  Large doses of forgiveness and love was needed.  Forgiveness was available in abundance but love was scarce.  Lies was stealing the medicine love.  The wounds of bitterness and hurt needed love desperately.  The wound were disgusting and had a foul odor.  Prayer power showed up to aid in the recovery and slowly the wounds healed in with scars, tough but still weakened.  The immune system was weakened. 

Life takes turns into directions that we fear we can't find the our way back.  But the spirit of God does not give us fear but of power and of love and of peace....timothy

but we can find our way back.  We have a GPS that will help keep us moving in the right direction. 

patience patience and needing more patience

Setting the stage of our family friday night;  Jacob has a friend over, Brett Bauman, the kids are totally out of control: running here and there all around the square, playing catch me if you can...  Seriously, I am 44 years old, am I getting too old.  I hear screaming, crying, laughing, air soft gun sounds..... now they just declared  they want to make smoothies, gabby is now in my face screaming....I was naked and showing me some picture on her camera.  They are invading all kinds of space, auditory, personal, over stimilation.  Now Gabby is very mad. 

Today the kids have off of school, but I needed to go to work.  SSSSooo, I made the executive decision to leave Gabby in charge of children.  I gave them a list of fun and creative stuff to do,,,, such as begin our bible study in Genesis.  We decided that we were going to illustrate along with summarize what we have learned by conveying our understanding on paper.....

However my plan was not completed to my satisfaction.  Once again Jacob decided his agenda was more important than mine.  NOT COOL.  So a lecture followed..... and it goes something like this:  
I have these expectations:
1.  all A's
2.  practice piano
3.  work hard
4.  work harder than anyone in his class
5.  be better than  he thinks he can do
6.  think ahead and anticipate needs and problems
7.  learn from your mistakes, know that you will make them
8.  listen to me because I am wise and only want the best for you
9.  overcome your desires to be lazy and not think
10. remember...you are here to make me look good...LOL

they are trying to make smoothies...Jacob is taking charge....he doesnt think...patience, patience, patience.   God grant me the grace,,,please be the father to the fatherless and the husband to the husbandless,,,, in Jesus name, amen

I understood something today

WELL....lets just say...I understand myself a little better....why all the frustration, hurt, and anger???  A great friend of mine,,,I refer to her as my councelor.  Her councelor told her that when life throws you into this kind of trauma...a trauma of the heart and mind....all sorts of things happen.  A failed marriage is VERY TRAUMATIC.  It leaves one wounded, a bleeding heart, among other wounds.

Just imagine....failed marriage, hurts beyond imagination.  A new set of problems, worries, and fears....essentially this person is laying on a guerney bleeding, however only time heals these wounds.  Someone comes along with judgemental words, an opinion, or a good intention....anyways the words are very discouraging to this very injured person....that discouragment is like putting salt on the wounds....it prolongs healing.  Then some other person comes along adds more salt with

11-22-09 SUNDAY

this is a first....I woke wanting to compose an entry....I woke up this am...came downstairs...so realizing that everyroom in this house is in disarray. JUST HOW DID WE GET HERE...

It is Sunday....A TIME TO WORSHIP......A TIME TO REST.    What does this look like to the single mother of 4....she doesnt know where to begin.   She knows what needs to be done, but where to begin.  First she has to find the energy to address this family's needs.  Where does she find that....IN THE LORD


DEAR WONDERFUL MERCIFUL SAVIOUR..

THIS IS THE DAY THAT YOU HAVE MADE...HELP US REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT....

1.  How should we rejoice
2.  How to be glad in it.

REMOVE MY GUILT AND REPLACE IT WITH SOMETHING WE CAN WORK WITH.  GIVE ME CREATIVITY TO BRING SOME HEALING AND DEPENDENCY ON YOU INTO THIS DAY.  CONSUME ME AND MY CHILDREN WITH ALL OF YOU..   KEEP OUR EYES ON YOU AND NOT OF THE STUFF OF THIS WORLD.  PLACE A HEDGE AROUND US, ONE THAT EVEN THE ENEMY CAN NOT PENETRATE.

GIVE ME THY HEALING POWERS
1. against anger
2. laziness which distracts me from you

PRICK MY HEART DAILY OF HOW MUCH I NEED YOU AND THY WORD.  USE ME TO BRING GLORY TO YOUR KINGDOM.  USE ME TO BE A LIGHT AND SALT.  USE ME IN A QUIET UNSEEN WAY.  ESPECIALLY IN MY HOME.  ONLY YOU CAN DO THIS...ONLY YOU HAVE THIS KIND OF WISDOM AND CREATIVITY.  ONLY YOU HAVE THE POWER OF THIS MAGNITUDE AND ABILITIES.

I PRAY OVER MY CHILDREN...

1. patience
2. kindness
3. the conscious of right and wrong that comes only from the Holy Spirit
4. protection from the enemy...protection from the world, peers
5. health and knowledge
6. a desire to learn about YOU...that only you can place in their hearts and minds
7. discernment
8. responsibility
9. a deep desire to please YOU
10. obedience
11. discipline

LORD THANK YOU FOR HEARING MY PRAYER...HELP ME TO CLEAN OUT MY HEART DUMP THE BAD OUT...I WANT TO DO THIS WILLINGLY WITH YOUR HELP...PLEASE NO TRIAL IN DOING SO.


LOVE  AND IN JESUS NAME

ME..A SERVANT IN THE MAKING

The journey

Where Should I start...maybe  praising God...reflecting on the enemys power.....defining the pain, the loneliness.  I am not sure,,,but I do know that I have to be encouraged.  God is bigger than my storm....I will praise Him in this storm.  I will glorify Him in His presence.  Thank Him for scriptures such as Psalm 34 and many many others.

If this was my thorn for life, I could bare it...but the enemy keeps me wondering...is something bigger coming down the road in life...  Are my children going to make it.  Will they love the Lord, Our God with a hunger and thirst that only HE above can quench.

Then I think of the anger...The anger that comes with emotional trauma.  The hurt emotions that often causes me (and many others )  to speak words we regret... 

The Fear...but to realize that God does not give us the Spirit of Fear; but of power, and of LOVE, and of a sound mind.  11 Timothy 1:7

The Judgement....only to realize that we are not equipped to use that "spirit"...never...We humanly can not exercise judgement.  We don"t have the wisdom.

The world....Where me and my children are now part of....we now are a statistic that is so common in the "world"....Who will have more influence over them.....mommy or the world...She is stretched beyond to point that only a single mother can ever understand.

The need for PRAYER....the power that comes with it....where 2 or more gather in my name...I like to think that means 2 people praying is 2X powerful...Hence the reason for this entry...Help me to overcome .... help me to overcome the anger of hurt....help me to overcome the judgement from man....help me and my children overcome the world...Prayer with me for an overcoming life...


Please partner with me in this storm...it takes a church sometimes to raise a single parent home....thanks you and Many Blessings to all...


sheila k

sheila and the fabulous four

ok...my day off and I am ready to take a nap

call before you crash the party

Ok....morgan stayed over night at jane hartzlers, one part of the terrific 2 missing from dinner....expected a nice calm dinner>>>>Skyler.....ended up in bed...I just know he will tinkle in the bed tonight...dinner finished...part of the 2 month plan...just ok

talked the kids into cleaning up the kitchen, while I sat down for a couple of minutes.  Wouldnt you know that Jim and Pat stop over.  Usually at this time of night I am up and moving, but they walk in and see me laying around and the house a mess.   Oh well...It is no secret that I do not have it all together.

Anyways, prior to my visit, I was kind of down.  The kids have to be effected by this whole protection order.  I called Gabriels teacher, sort out her feelings...  Now what to do about jacob....time for a prayer request
Mrs. Donna Ryan.  She and Gabriel are very good friends.  Last year they journaled together which helped Gabriel
Dear God

Its me sheila...
I need so much wisdom, direction, ambition and patience.
Give me Grace for the moment
Grace to finish my day
Grace to organize my morning
Grace to get into YOUR word
Grace for directing my children
Grace for patience

Lord I need what I dont even know what I need.   I need to communicate with my children...wisdom, for raising them in this  less than perfect situation. 

Lord, help me to build them up
Lord, give my children a hearts desire for you
Lord, give me a bigger hearts desire for you

I pray for cooperation from them with bible study,  family tradition, family fun that gives you the glory

Lord I want you as the Head of this Household...Help us to establish YOUR PRESENCE and know that YOU ARE OUR ALL AND ALL

LOVE LOVE LVOE YOU

painted pottery with gabriel

Today started out as a nasty day, turned lovely....woke up this am to all my children...and it was good.  Skyler, once again, was trying to upset the apple cart..  I think I threatened his life 5 times before the sun came up...LOL.  Then motherhood struck me, looked at the clock, and knew the day had to stand for something....

up, up, up....chores...go jacob.....go jacob......go jacob......GO JACOB.....I  am not going to scream....why should I.   I told the kids, even wrote it down for them and made them each there own book,  listen the first time....labeled under first response reaction!!!  and that means something around here.

Chores done, accomplished something off the mothering need to do list.  On to next agenda....make the house look good because a good looking house means a good women....isnt it said....behind every clean house is a successful woman......hee hee...oh ....behind every successful man....blah blah blah....my man, father of the kids left again...hmmm

well off to a football game in the big red furry shirt...jacob...
  
okay I am back....so back to morning....gabby and I left to paint pottery with michele and her daughter....so much fun.  Gabriel painted flip flops and I painted a pencil holder..  now I am tired and am going to do some no brain activities

My thought titles

1. what the Bible taught me today
2. Be still and know that I am God moments
3. verse is am concentrating on
4. todays focus with children
5. prayers
6. blessings
7. happenings of the day
8. moments with memory
9. crazy sheila moments
10. reflecting on my children
11. blessed by the touch of the Masters Hand
12. self evaluation
13. silly stuff
14. can i not think for a moment
15. lists that were created......lists that happened
16. whats for dinner
17. life just sucks sometimes
18. break down
19. just for fun
20. just because I can
21. Oh let me be irresponsible for a moment
22. i want to be taken care of
23. i need a back rub
24. the book of the day....funny stuff....i am a self help junkie
25. what my kids taught me today
26. what I taught my kids today
27. a good kid day
28. i am in control of my emotions day
29. i didnt have to loose voice control today
30. for the love of texting
31. for the love of just about anything
32. oh poor wittle me moments
33. happy days ahead
34. i wish i was........
35. lets get busy
36. for pity sakes moments
37. my diet is going strong
38. will power versus self control
39. just how interesting does my life get
40. yes I should have a reality show
41. humor...give me some
42. yes i'm not the only one that doesnt have it together.....yeah
43. yeah...life moments
44. just because.....i can????
45. pray for me please
46. rate my childrens behavior........rate my own behavior
47. let it go and give it over to the one who creative me
48. why God did you allow this behavior
49. God....you created me and all my flaws....I am letting you take over and I am serious....take over, but dont let it be uncomfortable
50. little blessing that are wonderful
51. little blessings that add color
52. yes this life isnt supposed to be the big event, the best of the best, the big yum yum...it is not major leagues
53. Lord I am having a "heaven can not wait moment"   but make sure my kids are with me
54. the song that rocked my day
55. i had the i should be wearing a skirt day
56. where is my......(what)
57. what more could i loose
58. alzhiemers....
59. i am soooo proud of my kids
60. i accomplished something   or   nothing

what I love

1. Jesus
2. thoughts of heaven
3. learning about God and His word
4. My children
5. My mom and dad
6. My friend darlene
7. My friends
8. My family
9. reeces pumkins...yum yum
10. sleeping in
11. a clean house
12. organization
13. completed paperwork
14. challenges
15. bella
16. snuggling with morgan
17. holding morgan in my arms
18. sitting at at my kitchen table surrounded by my children
19. my children playing with each other
20. good books
21. barnes and nobles
22. panera bread
23. good steak
24. reading
25. my computer
26. journalling
27. philippians 4,   plus others
28. sitting outside on my swing at night when all the world around is inside
29. a fire in the fireplace
30. being creative
31. having a day off
32. being encouraged
33. texting
34. technology
    

what I love

sunday oct 4

I am still trying to figure out this blogging..my goal is to create an online journal...

a great day

woke up this am...very early... before my  children...what makes a good day???  a God who knows me and knows my heart....A God that brings me through the fire....A God that takes care of me....

then I ask why would He be good to me...

proverbs  3:5  Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...acknowledge Him in all your ways and He shall direct your path

To rest on this, one of many, passages

okay I have no idea how I just got back to this blog....so I am testing it out..this was made at